Anonymous asked: Hi darling. I know you are going through a hard time right now, and I know that right now, NOTHING seems right. But please beautiful, know that it DOES get better. I know people keep on saying this, and I know it seems so stupid, but just take it from someone who knows. Who is going through a similar situation, faced with a similar choice. It does get better. It might take time. But know that the world is a beautiful place. So please darling, please stay around to see it.

Thank you, it really does mean a lot that you went out of your way to say this to me.

I know it will get better some day, I’ve just been so overwhelmed with feelings ad emotions.

But really, thank you. <3

I think about it every day.

Ways I could do it.

I’ve planned it before, I can plan it again..

It’s so bad. I’m seriously going crazy. 

I’ve been in and out of high school with independent study and graduated early last year.

I don’t think my friends get it when I tell them how much it sucks to hear them talk about all this shit and all these people I don’t know. I can’t connect to them.

I’m never invited to anything. Even out of pity.

None of my friends even like me and all they want to do is pity themselves. If I complain, I’m some sort of heartless bitch, but when it’s the other way, it’s okay.

Is it bad that I can’t wait to start my year and a half program for college so I can graduate and move to a different location?

I feel like the typical whiny girl who wants out. But I need out. My friends are causing more harm than good.

If I go to this college I want, I can transfer to another country for training in another degree, the school pays for my move and all that.

I almost want to take it, just because. But that’s stupid.

I’m stupid. I understand why my friends hate me and never want  me around.

I depersonalize everything and disconnect. It’s like I’m watching myself live.

And then I zone out and I can’t come back.

It’s so scary. 

Crying and puking.